tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post110936822732792483..comments2023-05-29T08:05:47.410-04:00Comments on Hard Boiled: A Donor Egg Blog: Why do I want a baby, anyway?Beth Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12412707705056624736noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-45238809090088494762010-04-28T10:37:41.819-04:002010-04-28T10:37:41.819-04:00I just came across this blog and this post. Thank...I just came across this blog and this post. Thanks for the great list. Mine is similar, but mine specifically is:<br /><br />1. I want to have the lively spirit of a child in my household (even though my dog will probably go hide under the bed).<br /><br />2. I want to stop feeling like an outsider among my peers ("peers" being +/- 10 years of my current age.)<br /><br />3. I want to feel like a legitimate woman.<br /><br />4. I want to see (and feel) "the bump."<br /><br />5. My hubby would go either way, but I think he would secretly get a lot of joy out of being a dad (and a good one at that).<br /><br />6. I want to see what all the fuss is about.<br /><br />7. I want to stop feeling regret that I never had them when I was "the right age."<br /><br />8. I want to continue personal development by bringing up a baby from conception to birth and beyond.<br /><br />9. I want to stop centering my life around me me me all the time and focus on someone else.<br /><br />10. I want my parents to see me have their grandchild before they pass away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-22656140434695910602008-08-28T09:14:00.000-04:002008-08-28T09:14:00.000-04:00Hi Lis. Your questions are the ones that we all w...Hi Lis. Your questions are the ones that we all wrestle with and they are tough ones. For parents who plan to tell their donor-conceived children about their method of conception, I think one thing that is very likely to happen is the child having curiosity or even a need to "know" the genetic parent who is not present in their lives. I have a friend who is adopted who has a wonderful loving relationship with her parents but still has thought sometime about finding her biological parents. So I decided to do what I could to make sure my girls could find their egg donor if they want to know her. I did not choose "known donor" even though a couple of friends offered to help me, because I was worried about the relationships that would happen afterward -- what if they didn't agree with my style of parenting? What if our baby looked so much like my friend that it created issues where they felt like she was "their" baby? I have since wondered if that was a mistake, since it would then have been easy to put the girls in touch with their donor if they have that need. But in the end, I just asked to be matched with a donor who would be willing to be contacted when my oldest is 18 years old, and I have written a letter to the donor coordinator at the clinic asking her to please keep up-to-date contact information for our donor. It's dicey -- there's no requirement that she keep our clinic informed of her whereabouts for the next 16 years! -- but it was the best I could do at the time. Good luck with your choice. I applaud you for thinking of all the angles ahead of time.Beth Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12412707705056624736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-42862488310085215452008-08-28T03:57:00.000-04:002008-08-28T03:57:00.000-04:00Thanks so much for your comment. I really needed t...Thanks so much for your comment. I really needed to hear that. I also have the fear about how the child would feel, would they have they ever burning desire to know and meet their biological mother? Another question that burns inside me therefore is..what is the best option? Known or anonymous donor? I've always felt anonymous would be best to avoid somebody already in my life feeling differently once their egg became a baby, would they be ok with the dilemma etc. But then i think it si best for the child's sake to use a known donor because then they know exactly where their genes come from. It could possibly take away that curiousity etc as they got older. So many things to consider and make sure that i make the right decision for all of us.lishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09268451179101876546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-36272332830871766742008-08-25T10:51:00.000-04:002008-08-25T10:51:00.000-04:00Hi Lis. You wrote, "will i look at our child and ...Hi Lis. You wrote, "will i look at our child and always feel it is more my DH than mine? Will i resent him for it?"<BR/><BR/>For what it is worth, now that I am a mother to my two daughters from donor egg...I do not think you will have those kind of feelings. There is a bond that happens between mom and baby -- I think it is because you spend so much time where you are 100% focused on this little one and you are meeting ALL their needs -- and you end up feeling like that baby is 100% yours and is the child you were meant to have. The only fear/issue that I still have about donor egg is how the girls are going to feel about it, and about me, when they are older (since we plan to "tell"). But my own feelings about my girls -- well, they are everything to me and I don't resent my husband because he contributed genes and I didn't. I'm grateful in fact, that in case genetic connections are important to them, they have him and each other and their half brother. So that's my two cents!Beth Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12412707705056624736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-36177368928594154212008-08-24T04:52:00.000-04:002008-08-24T04:52:00.000-04:00thank you for your lists. You have inspired me to ...thank you for your lists. You have inspired me to write my own. Very much something i need to do right now. Am trying to process exactly how i feel about the whole donor egg situation (only option for us). Last minute fears have crept in about all the variables that this road of motherhood brings with it. The main question haunting me is will i look at our child and always feel it is more my DH than mine? Will i resent him for it? This scares me. Can anyone relate?lishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09268451179101876546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-35002937186334944122008-08-13T11:50:00.000-04:002008-08-13T11:50:00.000-04:00Hi All. Loved the list. Such an honest one and not...Hi All. Loved the list. Such an honest one and not quite so different from mine. <BR/>My thing is... I have just been thru a donor egg cycle and tested positive yesterday :-)I am so happy and so scared of the hapiness, I hope everything goes right. <BR/>The one niggling thot, actually big time niggling thot is about not being able to pass on my genes to my offspring. Not seeing a combination of me and my much better half. But at least its going to be my flesh and blood and my hubby will take care of the genes :-)<BR/>I am looking forward to the challenge of nature Vs. nurture, <BR/>and hoping to impress my child enough in these nine months so it defies nature and takes a part of me.<BR/>And gals, all apprehensions dissolve when u get the 'positive' news. So all those holding back... just go for it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-1109558121736102392005-02-27T21:35:00.000-05:002005-02-27T21:35:00.000-05:00Thanks, Mrs. Mogul! I know I'll be a mother someh...Thanks, Mrs. Mogul! I know I'll be a mother somehow or other...you will too!Beth Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12412707705056624736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-1109538334918242812005-02-27T16:05:00.000-05:002005-02-27T16:05:00.000-05:00hi, I want a baby too. I am 36 and planning for th...hi, I want a baby too. I am 36 and planning for the first one. Stay positive. You can still have one at 40Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-1109442835294515092005-02-26T13:33:00.000-05:002005-02-26T13:33:00.000-05:00Kat, I like your list! You thought of some things...Kat, I like your list! You thought of some things I didn't, that are also true for me. Especially the outside-looking-in one. I simply cannot wait to stop feeling like the orange in the apple barrel. And to have things to talk about at parties when people start going on about play dates and waiting lists for preschool and stuff. Thanks for posting.<br /><br />Wessel -- post your list no matter how negative. We need to acknowledge that this isn't a 100% positive experience. This is NOT our first choice for how to have a child. I'd love to read your list.Beth Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12412707705056624736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-1109440188338314932005-02-26T12:49:00.000-05:002005-02-26T12:49:00.000-05:00Hi Bee,
Your list is very similar to mine, mine w...Hi Bee,<br /><br />Your list is very similar to mine, mine would read like this;<br /><br />1) I just do.<br />2) My dh would be an awesome father. He deserves to be one and a child would be very lucky to have him as a dad.<br />3)To give and receive unconditional love.<br />4) To feel fulfilled.<br />5) Bc I want to prove that I can be a better mother than my own (a petty reason I realize)<br />6)To not miss something essential<br />7)To complete my life, set new goals, explore new horizons, share knowledge, see the world afresh thru new eyes.<br />8) To spend Christmas w children<br />9)To grow as a person<br />10)To have people who care about me at the end of my life and I can leave this world feeling like I have achieved something.<br />11) Society is geared towards family - I always feel that I am from the outside looking in.<br /><br />KatAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com