tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post6287056366177471215..comments2023-05-29T08:05:47.410-04:00Comments on Hard Boiled: A Donor Egg Blog: Considering egg donation? Keep it on the down lowBeth Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12412707705056624736noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-15461972452074112702015-09-29T08:14:31.414-04:002015-09-29T08:14:31.414-04:00I have been considering DE for some time now. I ha...I have been considering DE for some time now. I have a 4yo daughter through IVF using my own eggs but have not had any success in having a 2nd with my eggs this time around. At 42, I know deep down the odds of having my own genetic child are VERY slim but I just keep hoping and praying for a miracle that i will be one of those small statistics that gets to have a baby with my own eggs at 42. No doubt I am completely kidding myself. <br /><br />So to the question of whether to tell your children they DE conceived or not, I have done much extensive reading and the overwhelming evidence is that children absolutely deserve to know the rights of their origins. Telling from as soon as they begin to talk is best and building on that as their understanding grows. The decision about when to tell and how is more about US, the parents raising them and how uncomfortable it makes us feel and is never about the child. In saying that, if I am lucky enough to have another child using a DE, it certainly won't be an easy conversation. <br /><br />I recently met a man (now a parent himself) who was donor conceived back in the 80's. He has no identifying information about his donor and sadly will never be able to find out due to the laws at that time (donor sperm in the US). He found out at age 21. He said although he understand his parents ambivalence, he can not deny that the trust has been broken and although he has a lovely relationship with his mother (his father died at 23), the full trust will never be there because they chose to keep something so important from him. Other family members knew when he didn't. For a long time he felt this enormous need to find out who this donor was, to fill this void of where he came from. However since having a son of his own, he is now foccused on creating his own family and what he will create. <br /><br />So what I am saying to people out there, is love, trust and open honesty are the keys to successful parenting. Using a donor is certainly no easy decision but if you choose this, get counselling to deal with your own grief for the loss of the family you envisaged and allow your children the honesty to share with them their origins. They will love you all the same.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-18668381176445007402015-05-28T17:28:35.680-04:002015-05-28T17:28:35.680-04:00Hi all. i know this post is really old but incase ...Hi all. i know this post is really old but incase this helps someone who is trying to decide if they should disclose about the use of donor eggs. Contrary to what some others have stated about to tell or not to tell, my husband and I have decided not to tell our child. This decision was made because I myself was adopted as an infant and as the adoption was closed I received little information about my genetic parents. What it did do was leave me with the feeling in my heart like I would always have this piece of the puzzle missing and as close as I am with my parents there are times where I feel like I would have liked to be a genetic child of theirs. instead as defining myself as "adopted". I don't want my child to have that feeling of disconnect from me,or the family.. Maybe that would not happen in this case being that my husband is my childs genetic father but since i have a limited genetic historical information to pass on, it really makes very little difference in our situation. Side note, we were careful about choosing a donor with a compatible blood type and we had genetic testing done and the donor and my husband for extra confidence and also we saved the blood cord. Its a personal decision and people don't have the right to judge, but they always do anyways.. Cheers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-22329747515802443882014-12-03T05:12:25.896-05:002014-12-03T05:12:25.896-05:00my partner and i have been married for 11 years an...my partner and i have been married for 11 years and 3months now and i am already 44years old, you no what that means for a woman trying to conceive little or no hope of getting pregnant that what it means and i have done everything possible to have a baby , i have done three failed ivf procedure and early last year i saw online when i did some research on possible ways to get pregnant , i saw so many testimonies of different women with different situation and also same as mine , how they got pregnant with the help of a spiritualist called ashra, i was able to get the contact email of ashra (ashraspelltemple@gmail.com )and then i sent a mail, and to cut long story short a cleanse was done to purify me and a pregnancy spell was done 7weeks later i became pregnant, and like a miracle , i delivered a healthy baby and i named her miracle today she is a year old, and am happy for this i decided to put hope to the hopeless women out there who wake up at the middle of the night to cry and the women out there who see other people carrying children and sober inside that they could be having theres, i say to you contact ashra today and get your problem solved , if i can get pregnant at the age of 43years then you can , contact ashra via email:ashraspelltemple@gmail.com or call or write ashra on whatapps via mobile number +2348058176311<br /><br />cy-bobAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00393167372397588170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-86211254535909979382014-08-21T10:28:59.747-04:002014-08-21T10:28:59.747-04:00Update- It's been 7 yrs since I posted last an...Update- It's been 7 yrs since I posted last and since then my husband and I decided to tell my daughters about our decision to do egg donation. They were a little surprised, but after a long conversation they came to understand our emotional ride and how we came to our decision. They are fine with it now and refer to her as the "egg lady". All my fears were erased that day and now we can talk about it openly. They are now 17 yrs old and our still the best thing that has ever happened to us. Good luck to all.robinzielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02801095686020655896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-55524129462041311272014-08-21T08:45:52.035-04:002014-08-21T08:45:52.035-04:00I'm glad I found this site. I am about to go d...I'm glad I found this site. I am about to go down the donor egg route in about a month and my husband and I have decided not to tell any resulting children that they were donor egg conceived. In our country Egg Donation is not an easy option to fulfil so we are having to travel to Spain. Our donor will be unknown to us and records will not be kept or shared. I've seen some people talk about the donors medical history being important, however the truth is that if I had been able to give birth naturally I would have been unable to give any medical history to my child as I am unaware of my own, and I feel I should add that I'm not depressed, harbouring anger because of this or maladjusted in any way. It really would be silly to be so. I have annual medical check ups as I'm an organised person, my husband gets these as well and any children we have would follow the same course. People choose who they become not because of their genetic forebears, but because of conscious choice. I'm excited about what the future holds for all of us.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09485492774189570882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-72694146583459247112014-04-15T07:08:54.677-04:002014-04-15T07:08:54.677-04:00I agree totally with you .People who use egg donor...I agree totally with you .People who use egg donor needs to be very careful for the sake of their children. It is enough pains not been able to use your own egg but been a subject of discuss among friends and neighbours is more painful. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-27277423010243470872014-03-02T16:02:13.886-05:002014-03-02T16:02:13.886-05:00Blogger Ruby Pie said...
After three rounds of fai...Blogger Ruby Pie said...<br />After three rounds of failed IVF and three miscarriages we are considering DE. I know I could love a DE child just as much if she were 50% genetically mine. The sticking point for me is this disclosure thing!<br />We have a daughter already, naturally conceived. Our families would not be supportive at all for religious reasons. This is part of why DE is just not the same as adopting, so comparing the telling/not telling to that scenario I don't find helpful. Using DE is a much more value-loaded action. If we adopted no one would judge as harshly as they would if they found we used DEs. And I don't feel like a small child should have to be thrown into that debate.<br />On the other hand I can see that early disclosure would be easier to handle than later, but again, that child won't understand the complexity of the feelings surrounding DE and might over-share before they're ready to handle the ramifications of that disclosure.<br />We lean toward disclosure as the child nears adulthood but is past the crazy teenage years. I don't think I could keep it a secret forever because I do believe they're bound to find out as science makes is easier and easier to--even though we have told no friends or family about our infertility--and also they have a right to know. If I found out today that I was conceived using DEs I can honestly say it wouldn't rock my world very much. Not as much as if I found I were adopted, given up by people who have this whole story behind it.<br />We also are tempted to do testing for gender, as we feel it would be emotionally easier for a son to deal with, if that makes any sense, since we have a girl already (less easy for child to make comparisons) and the missing link would be from the opposite gender parent, which seems easier. <br />Obviously, no one makes this decision lightly. I don't know why I'm writing this into the void, hopefully someone else will find it helpful as I've found many comments here.<br />Best to us all...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-68513314232377877622014-03-02T15:59:08.039-05:002014-03-02T15:59:08.039-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16048994729863232011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-27247720487018086232013-11-06T05:56:41.544-05:002013-11-06T05:56:41.544-05:00Great........I am very proud of you to be brave to...Great........I am very proud of you to be brave to post your personal experience on this. GOD bless:-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04134621638510763686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-50936149946654929072013-10-07T17:46:15.572-04:002013-10-07T17:46:15.572-04:00In the past two years, I went through 7 failed IVF...In the past two years, I went through 7 failed IVF cycles. Tears accompanied me days and nights. Now, I am thinking about egg donation. I did not tell anyone that I am going through IVF, and I did not tell anyone that I planed to use donor's egg. And I will not tell my kids (from egg donation) that they are not genetic related to me. Why would I want to disturb their normal peaceful life? If I am a child from egg donation, I would not want to know. I want to feel normal as all other kids. I read some blogs from the people whose parents chose donated eggs. These people are frustrated and disturbed after they know their origin. They tried very hard to find their genetic mothers, but ended at facing a cold closed door or no forever mysteries. They wish their parents had not told them. Some people think it is OK to let them know at their early age. Sure when they are young, it won't matter that much to them. But, when they are older, they start to wonder. Then they start to search. This is how they ended at heart breaking and causing relationship problems with their current parents. Some people think it is selfish not ot tell the kids their origin. But I think it is selfish that these parents can't handle how to protect these kids' privacy and it is easier fort hem just to blow it out. They consider very little of the consequence of emotional impact on the children. I will not tell anyone including my children about the DE. They are my children and I am their mother period. They deserve a normal life as all other kids do. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-21134132709305646722013-09-30T00:29:44.805-04:002013-09-30T00:29:44.805-04:00Jo, I'm also in the process of donating. How i...Jo, I'm also in the process of donating. How is it going so far?votistdothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04806955704900477683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-11404713922976897792013-06-24T01:08:13.381-04:002013-06-24T01:08:13.381-04:00I am receiving donor eggs from an amazing friend i...I am receiving donor eggs from an amazing friend in a couple of weeks. My husband and I have chosen to keep everything "out in the open". We have been through counseling and feel this is the best choice if we are blessed with a child. Secrets in families are not healthy. Children sense when something is different. There are a great deal of positive outcomes for the child in being honest. We would not want to live holding a secret from our child based on on our own fears.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-76848955496449434482013-05-28T16:41:26.642-04:002013-05-28T16:41:26.642-04:00I posted a blog year earlier about my donor egg pr...I posted a blog year earlier about my donor egg pregnancy. It turned out to be a successful pregnancy on my first try. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who is now nearly three years old. And it has been the most glorious experience I've ever had. He's perfect in every way! My husband and I have decided to keep it private. For me, there is no point in telling my son that a part of him comes from an anonynous donor. What is the point? In my heart and mind, he is my biological son because I carried him for 10 months and he grew inside my womb. I am a big part of his development from an embryo to the beautiful boy that he is right now. <br /> I don't think about genetic connections. I am just filled with overwhelming love for my son. To all doubters out there about whether they could ever love a baby that they perceive is not their own, nothing could be further from the truth. I had the same doubts myself but I was proven wrong.<br /> Sometimes people would say my boy doesn't look like me and he looks just like my husband. And that's okay. People say that I look like my father and that I didn't have the physical characteristics of my mother but I am still my mother's daughter. <br /> Still there are those who say that my son is a mix of both my husband and myself! That always makes me smile.<br /> I would totally do it again if not for the fact that I am of that age in which I shouldn't be pushing out babies any more! But it was a very positive experience, one that has made my life complete.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-48447903373445023442013-02-10T12:37:41.204-05:002013-02-10T12:37:41.204-05:00I am going through sort of the same thing right no...I am going through sort of the same thing right now. My RE said my AMH was very low but suggested we do a mini IVF & combine my eggs with donor eggs. He said that way you won't know if the child( children) are your's or the donor's. Therefore, you don't have to say anything to anybody. The egg donor & I look a lot alike & have the same ethnic backgrounds. Any thoughts?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-20967687584528234392012-07-31T08:41:57.242-04:002012-07-31T08:41:57.242-04:00Thank you so much for this blog! I'm consider...Thank you so much for this blog! I'm considering DE, and my niece has offered to donate. We have talked at length, and agree that neither of us would want the child or the fam to know of the donation. Neither of us are sure what their reaction would be, but we both feel it would not be positive. I don't want to subject my child to that. My niece has gone thru counseling to determine her ability to live comfortably with her DE cousin, and she is good. Because of the genetic connection with the donor, I'm very comfortable with keeping mum, but I still have minor (VERY minor) reservations about not sharing this with my child. I'll keep thinking this thru, but to all...good luck in your DE journeys.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-66094296102572061782012-07-12T03:17:20.100-04:002012-07-12T03:17:20.100-04:00This blog is fantastic. Thank you all for sharing....This blog is fantastic. Thank you all for sharing. I have never posted anywhere before. After 15 years together, 6 of which TTC we are now looking for a donor (in NZ where paying donors is illegal and as such they are quite scarce). I am 36 and DH 34. I have low ovarian reserve and very poor response to stimulation eg 2 eggs if lucky. Three of our IVF rounds produced no embryo and we have only transferred two both BFN. I have always considered myself a strong character and can't believe how this hideous journey has chopped away at myscrewy core (soul?)l. I am now so emotional at almost anything and wonder if it will ever heal. Crying or just releasing big wet tears is such a part of my life now it's almost past being embarrassing.<br />Everyone including my sister (currently preg with 3rd and sadly not keen to donate) and mum are telling us to adopt. And we may, further down the track but it's not simply the next step. I just can't let go of the desire to carry a baby, and give my beloved husband and best friend, at least, a biological child. And the chance to give my body that I love yet fails me so, the chance to redeem itself. I know I would love it unconditionally from the get go having experienced the rush of outpouring love when I first held my newborn nephews. <br />Anyway, I have (yet again... roller coaster here we come), hope and excitement at the thought that a donor might answer our advert or choose us. I hate to think what percentage more of my emotional stability I am risking in this new gamble. <br /><br />Fingers crossed...<br />KJAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-80228399797482799762012-05-18T01:19:47.754-04:002012-05-18T01:19:47.754-04:00What a journey we are all on. I have so much bottl...What a journey we are all on. I have so much bottled up, I can't bring myself to share with anyone but my husband. My husband and I have undergone five failed IVF attempts, with and without donor eggs. Very sadly, they have not taken- or I miscarry (2 times). It's taken its toll emotionally and with no insurance coverage for this, it's taken its toll financially. But we do have a few frozen embryos left. With dwindling funds and almost raw emotions, we need our best possible chance of success with these last embryos. So hopefully soon we will entrust them to a gestational carrier to help us. Has anyone else used DE and GC? We are so ready for our family. I mourn the loss of my egg contribution. Now I am mourning the loss of my dream to carry my babies and breastfeed. It's really tough and I cry. But I try to focus on someday holding my baby and maybe seeing my loving handsome husband in our baby. Maybe our child will share a learned trait from me. Maybe our child will inherit generosity and compassion from the egg donor. (Thank you, egg donors for your incredible generosity.) And thanks to women who are gestational carriers. By the way, couples who face fertility struggles deserve babies as much as anyone else. Just because someone can't conceive doesn't mean they are compelled to adopt. Adoption is great, but it's insensitive and hypocritical for someone to assume that you must adopt when you can't conceive (unless the person telling you that has five adopted children or something.) And even then, everyone must do what is right for them.<br />And privacy? We're trying to figure out when we would tell our child about the DE. I guess little by little as they can understand, but then do we tell close family at the same time as our child? I feel that others should not know before our child does. So complicated! There is no shame whatsoever in any of these loving efforts to have our family, but I don't want people to look at our child differently, either. Also, does anyone have two children from two different DE? I am wondering about the implications. One last thing, it irks me when people call the donor or the gestational carrier (both of whom I am very grateful for) the "mother". The mother is the one who LOVES YOU AND TUCKS YOU IN BED EVERY NIGHT AND RAISES YOU. Our egg donor is not a mother. She is a beautiful, generous person and a biological link. But I will be the "real mommy" just like an adoptive mother is the REAL MOTHER. Good luck and positive thoughts to everyone!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-9540754233194368132012-03-15T17:48:10.133-04:002012-03-15T17:48:10.133-04:00Your reproductive life is nobody's business. Y...Your reproductive life is nobody's business. You don't need to tell anyone anything to prove to them, what? If they know you're fifty, it is perfectly obvious that you used a donor. I am married and I have a husband. It is obvious that we live together, vacation together and make love. The make love part is extremely private and the details are not divulged. Anyone who would want these details is a nosy pervert. Another example, we are all human and therefore we all go to the toilet. It's obvious therefore that we all wipe our behinds. Our technique for so doing is our own business and in the same vein, the details of how your children were conceived is your own private business.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-46716592402371449732012-02-18T23:41:42.499-05:002012-02-18T23:41:42.499-05:00I am just beginning the fertility experience.
I...I am just beginning the fertility experience. <br /><br />I am 50, just turned. I move between negative thinking about my chances and positive "I am the exception" to all the averages and stats thinking. <br /><br />My partner seems quick to think egg donation would be a viable option but I don't think he has thoroughly thought through many of the sentiments and challenges I read here. <br /><br />I know this is primarily about devulging whether you used donor eggs - but I think I'm questioning whether I want to do something that people think is so taboo that they don't devulge. Sort of - if it's not bad, then why not tell people? Then I think about what if I didn't devulge (which seems right now the only way I can get my head around this donor egg idea - for me) and I think that the strain of what feels like constant lying will just eat me to death over the years.<br /><br />Has anyone felt these issues - if it's right I should tell people but I don't really want to for the shame I feel that I can't do it with my own eggs, yet the conflict that not telling will be a lifetime of lying to people near and far? And, oh, the 27 year old sister in law who's popping out healthy kids like it's nothing will constantly weigh on me too.<br /><br />ow diHd your partners deal with this emotional challenge, help you with the decision? I am old to go through the stress and risks of a pregnancy. But my partner and I know I am in phenomenal condition, secretly hope this will make me fertile, but not likely. He'll think it's not big deal but I'm not feeling curremtly compelled to go through with it if it's not going to be bioligically my DNA. I wrote off getting married and having kids at least 5 years ago. Who knew I'd connect with an old pal from high school (also never married) and we'd fall in love. <br /><br />Any help would be most welcome.Healthy but 50noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-66081391128732900602011-10-12T21:55:13.159-04:002011-10-12T21:55:13.159-04:00Hello and thanks for your post and your wonderful ...Hello and thanks for your post and your wonderful blog. DE seems to still have some stigma attached to it and it's great to read about other people's experiences and thoughts.<br /><br />I am 5 months pregnant with DE and am so excited about my pregnancy and the donor process I've started blogging about it (only 2 posts so far). <br /><br />I signed up at two fertility hospitals in NYC to increase my chances of finding a shared donor. Met with psychiatrists at both places, and while they do tell you that to tell your child or not is an individual decision, they differed slightly on the age you should tell your child. <br /><br />One told me about all sorts of new children's books that talk to alternative conception in a way a child might somewhat understand, or at least start to get familiar with (totally different from the stork delivering the baby!) The other's advice was to wait until the child understands conception otherwise it will be too confusing. <br /><br />My husband and I plan to tell our son (yes a boy!) as soon as he's able to understand the concept, and I am also going to introduce the "alternative conception" books as soon as possible to start planting the idea.<br /><br />Regarding telling family and friends, I've found that most people aren't all that familiar or as well researched on the concept and their views on IVF and Donor are blurred to some degree. I basically just tell those who might be somewhat curious about my getting pregnant at 46 that it was due more to science than to romance and required some petri dishes. Don't think anyone other than mom, dad and baby really need any more detail than that.<br /><br />So glad I found this blog!!Halynkahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14889346488559339638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-51509455065600680792011-09-05T09:10:37.425-04:002011-09-05T09:10:37.425-04:00I really appreciate this blog! It's amazing to...I really appreciate this blog! It's amazing to see all of the stories of those who have been successful with DE. This solidifies my desicion to be a donor - would do it again if I could :)Neosoul32noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-67357643369657119812011-08-08T05:15:45.881-04:002011-08-08T05:15:45.881-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.donate eggs for moneyhttp://www.1000moneymakingideas.com/donate-eggs-for-money/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-21826469014212929832011-06-15T22:57:51.613-04:002011-06-15T22:57:51.613-04:00I begin my cycle in preparation for IVF with an eg...I begin my cycle in preparation for IVF with an egg donor in a few weeks. I never thought I would have problems having a biological child; I did not hear my clock ticking at all. I am 42, after 4 years of trying (including miscarriage and numerous failed fertility attempts); I grieved about not having my "own" child. Then I realized I could not give up my dream. <br /><br />Once we decided to use an egg donor I thought we would keep it a secret. After discussing with the Psychologist at the fertility clinic we realized that our future son or daughter has the right to know their story. <br /><br />It is still scary for me. I have two step daughters who I treat as my own; we have a great relationship. However I am reminded many times at joint affairs (school plays, graduations, etc.) that I am not the mother. <br /><br />By producing a child using egg donation, someday will they want to meet their younger, cooler mom? How will that change our family dynamic? I guess that is a chance I am willing to take. <br /><br />I strive to stay positive and think about all the love and support we will give our child. (My new love of Yoga has helped)<br /><br />Good luck to everyone in your journey and stay positive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-54354489268770395242011-05-04T02:29:42.610-04:002011-05-04T02:29:42.610-04:00I couldn't agree more with the original poster...I couldn't agree more with the original poster: a person should know his or her genetic history, and it should be THEIR business to decide who gets to know. We didn't tell anyone, not even our family, that we used DE for child #2. He will be told, and if he wants others to know, he will be secure in the knowledge that we did not take his privacy away. My mother loves to talk about me, and no personal tidbit of mine is too private for her to share with her 40 closest friends... so after the last violation, I only tell her things I want the world to know. Please please consider your child's right to privacy before telling your friends you used a DE. I myself would be extremely frosted if I had beeen conceived by DE and my parents had told their friends and family!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10631378.post-34885233936805132292011-02-02T11:28:29.415-05:002011-02-02T11:28:29.415-05:00Hello...
I am new to this blog. I am 44 with a 40...Hello...<br />I am new to this blog. I am 44 with a 40 FSH. My RE wants to put me on estrogen and see what happens. I may grow an egg w/stims. I have been down this road already and I decided after trying for a year that this will be a waste of time and money. Statistically my odds are extremley low and i beleive the doctor is just looking to make a buck. Now i am venturing down DE land. I am ok with it but of course like most a little saddened by my genetic loss. Would love some advice or words of support.<br /><br />Thank you all for this amazing blog.<br /><br />SmileinycAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com