Monday, April 11, 2005

And again with the line

This morning's test required no squinting, no waiting, no tilting, and no special lighting. It's a faint but definite line and has even acquired a bit of pink color. Still far lighter than the control line, but I'm confident I've got something going on. My nausea and breast soreness are getting worse...I mean, better, since these are good signs. DH gave me a big hug last night and I yelped, "Ouch!!!"

I have one last HPT in my arsenal, which I will use on Wednesday. Unless, of course, I prove to be as spineless as I have so far, and I go out and buy more. I'm glad these things are legal and don't make you gain weight, because they're like crack to we poor infertiles.

My serum beta HCG test is Friday. It's gonna be a loooooong week.

One thing I am realizing, as I run this race: In a sense, I will never cross the finish line. If I get a positive beta on Friday, it is simply the starting line of the next contest, waiting to see if the beta doubles appropriately. If the first ultrasound is normal. If the heartbeat is seen, and is fast enough. If the old-lady tests come back normal. And so on, until birth, and later. I can fast forward, in my thoughts, to that day when my little one climbs on the schoolbus, taking my heart with her out into the world. It is a sobering thought.

10 comments:

K&M said...

The schoolbus is TOUGH!

I hope that your next HPT is even darker, and the beta is high...

Kate

deborah said...

Bee, this is fantastic news! Deep breath, and one day at a time! I'm pulling for you.

Anonymous said...

Doing a happy dance for you Bee...thinking darkening line thoughts for you :)

xxoo,
Emily

wessel said...

Whoah Nellie! Yabba Dabba Doo! And all that stuff! :-)

Well, you are absolutely right that it never ends. When I was having my AFP test (and it came back abnormal the first time--yikes), a neighbor, whom I had always thought to be rather shallow and this is perhaps the most profound thought she ever had in her head, said to me, "Now you're a mother, and you will worry for the rest of your life. So get used to it."

Kind of cold comfort, huh?

But Bee, this is sooo exciting! Oh my gosh! I'm waiting to see how many you've got in there!

Enough Already said...

Welcome to the club, Bee. Wessel is right. I'm 19 weeks along with twins from my donor egg IVF and I still have doubts that I'm bringing them home with me.

You've just gotten off one roller coaster and onto another. This ride is alot more fun though.

Susan said...

That is wonderful news! I hope that your Beta is nice and high. I'm chanting healthy baby mantras for you.

ms pickled eggs said...

Hoping for a good high beta for you. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Hey Bee,
Awesome news :)! I remember my first very very faint line... I did 9 HPTs... yes 9! :)
Then I found myself at the u/s telling me that there are two babies :). From a very very faint line to two babies in a couple of weeks :)
Now I wait for the dreaded first trimester to pass, just another 3.5 weeks to go when I feel I will be really able to relax.
Best of luck, very pleased for you.
Kat

Millie said...

No squinting!! Like I said before, a line is a line. Here's to doubling, darkening lines by Friday's beta. One step at at time. Then the next.

Happy to send some hpts to feed the addiction. ;)

Anonymous said...

Bee - you are far braver than I! I couldn't even do the HPT for fear of failure. but my first beta on sat was 154! (11dp3dt w/ DE), then on mon 548...us next monday. each step is scary. each slight cramp is a question. you'll do fine!!!
hang in there - we're in it together!

gc